Hey there, folks.
I have no problem admitting that my wife is the favorite parent.
My son, Milo, glues himself to her when she comes home, and he beelines for her every chance he gets. That used to be really hard for me to stomach.
When paternal leave was over for us, a hectic schedule started for me. On top of new parenthood, I had a new job. We didn’t have daycare yet. So my schedule looked like this:
7 a.m. to 11 a.m.: Take care of my son until our nanny or my mother/sister got here.
11 a.m. to 3 p.m.: Work my remote job.
3 p.m. to 4 p.m.: Take care of my son again until my wife got home.
4 p.m. to 7 p.m.: Finish my work shift.
It was clunky and disjointed. It sucked. And because of it, I worried that I didn’t really get to enjoy my son in that small stage. There were great moments, super happy moments. But there were also hard moments. Moments that make you realize you never knew you would get so frustrated with a baby. Moments where after they happen, you wonder if that bit of frustration was understood by your kid and how that might impact your relationship. I spent so much time with him. He had to love me, right?!?
That’s why it was so hard knowing he clearly preferred my wife over me. Or when he would willingly sprint to one of our friends and not give me the same treatment.
I say all that to say this: we’ve really made some strides these last three-to-four months.
No day proved this to me more than Juneteenth. I was off and my son’s daycare was closed. After some time together at our house, I loaded up the Subaru and drove over to Reynolda Village in Winston-Salem. It’s a beautiful place. I unpacked the stroller, put the 17-month-old in it, and we went for a stroll. We walked past the shops, took the path to Wake Forest’s campus, then made our way back. Just below the doughnut shop and the barre studio, there’s a field with a loose perimeter of trees. I took Milo out of the stroller and set him down. I started running into the center, trying to get him to follow. He looked a little uncertain at first, but finally he grinned and took off after me.
We ran circles around, him eventually chasing me for a hug. He smiled and giggled. We did that for about 10 minutes, then the rain started. Everyone around us, walking their dogs or socially strolling, took off running. We stayed in the field because he kept looking up at the sky, and I stood there watching him take in the world.
I finally scooped him up and we sprinted under a tree. We went in the doughnut shop and grabbed something to drink, then we went out to lunch. He sat in his highchair and waved at the same waiter everytime he passed through. He talked to me in gibberish while we ate our food and peeled out of the place to hit nap time. He was out by the time we hit the highway.
What I’ve learned these last few months is that people embrace parenthood at their own pace. My wife seemed ready for it the moment he arrived. It took me a little longer to get here.
I’m really soaking it in now. This is an unreal time and place in my life, and I’m trying to savor it.
When I finished this, I asked my wife if she thought I was making up ground as favorite parent. Yeah, she said, and she thinks that feels really good, even though it makes her occasionally jealous.
She can sense me gaining on her! HAHA!
Take care and thanks for reading.
Ethan
A quick editor’s note: Between a new job and general life things, I didn’t get to post last month. That shouldn’t happen again. I’m learning how to balance my new writing job with my freelance and blogging (a la, Chasing Joy) aspirations. Looking forward to getting back on track.